{"id":1113,"date":"2016-01-20T17:03:14","date_gmt":"2016-01-20T16:03:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/paartherapie-coupletherapy.de\/en\/?p=1113"},"modified":"2018-02-07T16:07:18","modified_gmt":"2018-02-07T15:07:18","slug":"listening-deficit-disorder","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/paartherapie-coupletherapy.de\/en\/listening-deficit-disorder\/","title":{"rendered":"Listening-Deficit-Disorder"},"content":{"rendered":"<h1>Overcome your Listening Deficit Disorder<\/h1>\n<p>Every time a couple complains about their <strong>communication problems<\/strong> (and almost all couples in my practice do), I find that it\u2019s not talking styles that need to change, but <strong>listening styles<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>Chapter three of Harriet Lerner\u2019s \u201e<strong><a href=\"http:\/\/www.harrietlerner.com\/\">Marriage rules<\/a><\/strong>\u201c (a book that I love and recommend to everybody!) is entitled \u201cOvercome your L.D.D. (Listening Deficit Disorder)\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>This is what Lerner writes:<\/p>\n<p>\u201c<strong>True listening<\/strong> requires you to quiet your mind, open your heart, and ask questions to better understand what your partner is saying. It also requires you to stop yourself from interrupting and saying things that leave your listener feeling unheard or cut short. It requires you to get past your defensiveness when your partner is saying things that challenge your favored image of yourself so that her voice and her pain can affect and influence us. And it\u2019s important to let your partner know when you\u2019re not in a position to listen fully \u2013 to know when to say to your partner \u201cNot now\u201d or \u201cNot in this way.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Listening with an open heart<\/strong> is the ultimate spiritual act. It is one of the greatest gifts you can give to your partner, and ultimately to yourself. <strong>Intimacy<\/strong> with your partner rises or falls in direct proportion to your capacity to listen well.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>My experience in working with couples in crises mode is that when emotional reactivity runs high, quietly listening is the biggest challenge. Listening the way Lerner describes, means to actively pursue understanding.<\/p>\n<p>It means:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>not<\/strong> trying to fix<\/li>\n<li><strong>not<\/strong> to focus selectively on what we want to hear<\/li>\n<li><strong>not<\/strong> to constantly compare with our own experience<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Listening in this mode conveys a <strong>powerful message<\/strong> to your partern. In listening you&#8217;re saying &#8220;You are at the center of my attention and I care. I am interested in what you have to say. I want to get to know you better. I want to understand you even though I might not agree with everything you say.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Overcome your Listening Deficit Disorder Every time a couple complains about their communication problems (and almost all couples in my practice do), I find that it\u2019s<span class=\"excerpt-hellip\"> [\u2026]<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1573,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1113","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parcours-en"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v25.0 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Listening-Deficit-Disorder - Praxis f\u00fcr Paartherapie Berlin-Mitte<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/paartherapie-coupletherapy.de\/listening-deficit-disorder\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Listening-Deficit-Disorder - 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