Crisis and change
However hopeless your situation may seem to you, my motto is: Never waste a crisis! In reality, we are always free to decide to view a relationship crisis as an opportunity. They can in fact stimulate growth, positive change, and learning.
A crisis in a relationship also always shows that the existing patterns have stopped working. Couples therapy allows you to find new perspectives and strategies. My questions will help you to find clarity and confidence. What is it we need to achieve together? Where do we want to get to? What needs to happen for us to be happy again?
Conversations with couples often revolve around injuries that can be traced back to both parties. Both partners continually react dismissively or aggressively towards the other. A vicious circle, which leads to a sort of stalemate, based on accusations and counter-accusations.
In situations like this, couples can no longer find their own way out of the deadlock. They are unable to see the patterns of emotion, thought and action that are preventing them from making the changes they need to make.
Couples therapist Dan Wile described this crisis situation experienced by couples as a swamp: “The swamp is the self-amplification of this vicious circle: each of the partners feel they are not being listened to enough themselves in order to listen to the other, too misunderstood to understand, and too hurt by what the partner has just said to restrain themselves from immediately responding with a counter-attack.”
You want to break out of the vicious circle and finally take the first step towards positive change? Find out more about starting couples therapy under initial consultation.
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“Where there are men and women who have come away and changed themselves, I believe that it is not melodrama, but a certain degree of personal autonomy, a couple’s culture of dealing with problems and “sentimental education”, that have been present and led to an acceptance of the imperfection of love.”